I hurried anxiously into the crowded room and took a seat, although I didn’t know why I was there. Then a creepy creature took the podium, and I cringed, when he announced the agenda. “We’re here to celebrate her sins.”  

An explosion of clapping broke out, as he began listing my shortcomings. “She brags about how frugal she is,” he cackled. “But recently she succumbed to temptation and purchased 50 dollars’ worth of fancy make-up.”  

My face burned with shame, and my hands itched for the doorknob, but just like in that old song, “Hotel California,” there was no checking out of this room. Applause rippled through the crowd, and I wondered why they were cheering my wrongdoings. I took a look around and had my answer.  

There were bat-like creatures with speckled horns, winged beasts with jagged teeth, a plethora of dragons and a surplus of snakes. These satanic beings looked quite attentive, and some creatures were taking notes.  

A dragon now took the podium and smoke poured from his nostrils, as he thundered: “She worries about big things like nuclear war, but also trivial things like her car breaking down.” He nodded approvingly in my direction. “Worrying is wonderful because it shows a lack of faith.”   

I felt I should say something in my defense, so I raised my hand to explain that at least I was aware of the problem.  

“Sit down and shut up!” raged the dragon. “You’ll get your turn!”  

A snake wound itself around the microphone and pronounced gleefully: “She tends to be judgmental and criticizes people instead of looking at herself in the mirror.”  

Had I died and gone to hell? As I was wondering what my punishment would be, I noticed a scaly, lizard-like creature starting a PowerPoint presentation titled “The Fabulous Ripple Effect of Sins.”  

Evidently my grumpiness with the cashier had prompted her to berate the teenager bagging groceries. He in turn yelled at his little sister when he got home and she went to bed in tears.  

And was that really me taking string beans from my neighbors’ garden because “there were so many and no one would miss them?” Little did I know they were saving them for supper that night. Was that me falling asleep without praying because I’d been up late binge-watching detective shows?  

Suddenly, the computer crashed, the room erupted in curses—and I woke up in bed. It had just been a nightmare, thank God! At breakfast I hurriedly made my to-do list for the day with “go to confession” as the first item.  

Too often, I had postponed confession, but envisioning Satan’s minions reveling in my failures was a big motivator. After dressing in haste, I hurried to church, and somewhere in the distance I thought I heard growling and groaning, and cursing and cackling.  

In a universe far away, in a dark and dreary place, the demons had been foiled again. After all, they hate it when God in his infinite mercy gives us a second chance.